There are many helpful guides about what to say and what to do when advocating for yourself or someone else. Advice about scripts, communication strategies, and boundaries can be incredibly valuable. However, before we even think about the words we use or the actions we take, I believe there is an important step that often gets overlooked.

It’s the emotional and physiological preparation that happens before advocacy begins.

This is where the NOW Process comes in and this gentle guide to preparing for self-advocacy that I have created for you.

I originally developed the NOW Process while supporting women experiencing anxiety, particularly during perimenopause and menopause. Many people who used it found it incredibly helpful. One woman even contacted me from Australia to tell me she had successfully used the process to help overcome a fear of flying that had arisen during perimenopause.

I believe the same principles can be applied to coping with advocacy anxiety.

So, what exactly is the NOW Process?

NOW stands for:

• N – Notice
• O – Open
• W – Wrap yourself in compassion

Before we explore each step, it’s important to understand why this process matters, especially in the context of self-advocacy.

Why Preparation Matters Before Self-Advocacy

Self-advocacy can bring up a huge amount of anxiety for many people, particularly autistic people. The idea of explaining your needs, asking for accommodations, or expressing limits can be emotionally vulnerable.

For many of us, advocacy is not just about the present moment—it can also activate memories of past experiences:

• Times when we were not listened to
• Moments when our needs were dismissed>
• Situations where we felt ashamed or “too much”

Because of this, self-advocacy can feel risky.

There is always the possibility that those experiences could happen again. Someone might not understand. They might dismiss what you say. Your needs may not be acknowledged in the way you hope.

On top of that, many of us carry internalised messages from society—ideas that we should simply “keep calm and carry on,” push through discomfort, and avoid asking for help. These beliefs have been passed down through generations and can create shame around having needs at all.

So it makes complete sense that self-advocacy can feel emotionally charged.

Acknowledging this vulnerability is important. The NOW Process is designed to help support you before and during those moments, allowing your nervous system to feel a little safer as you step into advocacy.

When Might Self-Advocacy Be Needed?

Self-advocacy can arise in many different areas of life. It isn’t limited to formal settings or professional environments.

You might need to advocate for yourself:

1. At home

With family members or partners when expressing emotional needs, boundaries, or requests for support.

2. With friends

Perhaps around how you communicate, what you need from social plans, or the pace and environment of meeting up

3. In the workplace

For accommodations, clearer communication, workload adjustments, or sensory considerations.

Ultimately, self-advocacy is simply the process of expressing what you need and opening the door to a conversation about how those needs might be met.

But before stepping into that conversation, the NOW Process can help ground you.

Step 1: Notice

The first step is Noticing. This might sound simple or obvious, but it is surprisingly easy to skip. I forget this step myself all the time.

Noticing means gently checking in with your body and asking:

Where am I feeling this anxiety right now?

It might show up as:

• Tension in your chest
• Tightness in your stomach
• Heaviness in your shoulders
• Restlessness in your arms or legs
• Pressure or buzzing in your head

If the word tension doesn’t resonate, you might describe it differently—perhaps as tight, spiky, fluttery, or heavy.

Humans naturally try to avoid uncomfortable feelings. That’s completely understandable. But psychological research shows that the more we try to suppress or avoid feelings, the stronger they often become.

Simply pausing and acknowledging where the sensation exists in the body can already begin to shift your relationship with it.

This step requires a pause—and that pause alone can help prevent anxiety from escalating.

Step 2: Open

The second step is Opening.

Once you have noticed where the sensation lives in your body, the next step is to create space and softness around it.

Rather than trying to get rid of the feeling, you allow it to exist while gently loosening the grip around it.

People do this in different ways:

• Imagining the sensation sitting inside a widening bubble
• Breathing slowly while picturing space expanding around the tension
• Repeating gentle words internally such as “open” or “soften”

The aim is not to eliminate the feeling.

Instead, it’s about reducing the struggle with it.

Often the most exhausting part of anxiety is the internal tug-of-war—the effort to push it away while it keeps returning. By allowing space around the sensation, we step out of that struggle.

The tension may still be present, but it is no longer something we are battling.

Step 3: Wrap Yourself in Compassion

The final step is to Wrap Yourself in Compassion.

Self-advocacy can be emotionally exposing, so this step is about offering yourself the same kindness you might offer a friend in the same situation.

This could look like:

• Physically wrapping yourself in a blanket
• Placing a hand on your chest or arms
• Imagining a warm, comforting presence around you
• Speaking soothing words to yourself internally

For example:

“This is difficult, and that’s okay.”
“It makes sense that I feel anxious.”
“I’m allowed to have needs.”

Compassion helps signal safety to the nervous system. It softens self-judgment and allows you to move forward with more steadiness.

Supporting Yourself Through Advocacy

The purpose of the NOW Process is not to remove anxiety completely. Instead, it helps you meet that anxiety with support and understanding.

By noticing what is happening in your body, opening space around the feeling, and wrapping yourself in compassion, you create a more regulated internal state.

From that place, it becomes easier to speak, express needs, and engage in conversations about support.

Self-advocacy will always involve some vulnerability. But when you support yourself through that process, you’re far less likely to feel overwhelmed by it.

And sometimes, that small shift is enough to help you take the next step.

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