Recently, a woman contacted us about an autism assessment—and then decided not to book one (yet). You might think that would disappoint me, but actually, it made me really happy. Well, maybe happy isn’t exactly the word, but it pleased me deeply. Let me explain why. At Autistic Girls, we believe that deciding to seek an autism or ADHD assessment is not just about recognising traits. It’s also about recognising whether now is the right time for such a big step.

More Than a Checklist: The Reality of Autism and ADHD Assessments

Our screening assessments are designed to do two things. Yes, we explore whether there are strong indicators of autism or ADHD. But equally important, we talk with women about whether now is the right moment for them to enter into a full assessment process. That’s because we fully respect the reality of what an autism or ADHD assessment involves. It’s not a quick test or a surface-level conversation. It’s a deep dig into the past, one that almost always touches on trauma. It’s also a seismic overhaul of identity. This is big, life-changing work. And like any big work, it requires resources. Emotional, mental, and physical resources. Sometimes, it requires quite the stash of spoons—maybe even a whole factory full!

Asking the Question: Is This the Right Time for Me?

We encourage every woman who considers an assessment with us to pause and ask herself: “Is this the right time for me?” It’s an act of self-care to stop and reflect. Going through an autism or ADHD assessment while already in deep burnout, or without capacity to process what might come up, can be overwhelming. Sometimes the most powerful choice is to say, “Not now.” So when we receive the occasional email from someone saying, “I know I want this assessment, but I’m in deep burnout and I don’t have capacity—yet,” I celebrate them. Yes, I share concern and empathy for the difficult place they’re in. But I also celebrate the power and agency it takes to recognise that truth about themselves.

Why Timing Matters in an Autism Assessment

The timing of an assessment can shape how a woman experiences it. Entering the process when you have enough capacity means you’re more likely to:

• Engage fully with the conversations and reflections
• Process your history with self-compassion
• Explore your identity with curiosity rather than fear
• Leave the assessment not just with answers, but with understanding

On the other hand, starting the process during burnout can make it harder to engage, harder to process, and sometimes, harder to receive the insights in a way that feels supportive. That’s why we believe that the right time for an autism assessment is when you feel resourced enough—when you have enough spoons to hold both the challenges and the discoveries that will come.

An Ethical Approach to Autism Assessments

I was genuinely pleased to receive that recent message from a woman who said, “Not now.” Not because I don’t want to work with her—but because I admire her clarity and self-awareness. This is an ethical approach to autism and ADHD assessments: recognising that timing matters as much as outcome. It’s not about pushing people to book. It’s about supporting them to decide when they’re ready. I really hope more providers take this approach—or, after reading this, will consider it. Because the assessment process should serve the person, not the other way around.

So, When Is the Right Time for an autism assessment?

There’s no universal answer. The right time for an autism or ADHD assessment will look different for everyone. But here are a few signs it might be the right moment for you:

• You have enough energy and capacity to reflect on your past, even if it’s hard
• You feel ready to explore your identity and what it means for your future
• You have support in place (friends, family, community, or professional)
• You feel curious about self-discovery, not just desperate for answers
• You’re not in the middle of deep burnout, or if you are, you have resources to hold you through it

And if that’s not where you are right now? That’s okay. Waiting doesn’t mean never. It means honouring yourself.

Final Thoughts: Choosing the Right Time for You

An autism or ADHD assessment is big, life-changing work. It can bring clarity, relief, and empowerment—but it also asks you to revisit the past and rethink your identity. That’s why timing matters. At Autistic Girls, we encourage women to ask: “Do I have the spoons for this right now?” If the answer is yes, we’ll be here to walk beside you. If the answer is not yet, that’s something to honour, not to feel guilty about. Because ultimately, the right time for an autism assessment is when you feel ready