At the moment, there is a lot of noise in the media and online spaces about autism and ADHD.

You may have seen headlines questioning whether autism is being "overdiagnosed", or debates about whether ADHD even "exists". You may have come across increasingly polarised conversations about people identifying as neurodivergent later in life, particularly women, and whether this is "valid" or "trendy" or "accurate".

If you are someone who is already beginning to wonder about yourself, this noise can feel overwhelming.

It can make you second-guess your own experience.

It can create doubt where there was previously curiosity.

I may be cynical but I believe this is intentional. A societal form of gaslighting. A way of maintaining the status quo, keeping vulnerable people quiet, reducing the need to fund areas that have been neglected for decades.

It can pull you away from what is actually the most important part of this process: your own lived experience and your need to understand yourself more deeply.

Self-understanding is the heart of assessment

I think there is something important that can get lost when we talk about autism and ADHD assessment, particularly when we are talking about women who are exploring this later in life.

We can become very focused on the question: "Am I autistic?" or "Do I have ADHD?"

And, of course, identification and diagnosis matter. Having a diagnosis can help other people understand us differently. It can open doors to support, reasonable adjustments and a different way of thinking about our needs.

But for me, that isn't the heart of the assessment process.

At the heart of it is self-understanding.

What women tell us after assessment

Overwhelmingly, the feedback we hear from women who have been through an autism or ADHD assessment is that they come away with a whole new level of self-compassion. They understand themselves differently.

"It helped me understand myself, and in turn be more gentle with myself"

They're better able to advocate for themselves because they have a clearer understanding of what they need.

"The diagnosis has meant so much to me, it has given me the confidence to speak up for my needs"

And, often, their anxiety reduces.

Not necessarily because everything in their life suddenly becomes easier, but because they finally have a framework that makes sense of experiences that may have felt confusing for years.

"Certainly for me it's been the best investment I have ever made for my own physical and mental health. I feel like the diagnosis has been truly life changing and it has given me hope that things can improve in my quality of life for the future"

The questions that remain

There may still be questions at the end of the assessment.

What are the nuances of my particular needs? What drains my capacity? Do I need to change? And, perhaps most importantly, how do I create a life that works well for me?

Those questions don't necessarily disappear with a diagnosis.

But instead, it informs those questions and that's where changes can begin.

And what has a huge impact is the relief after years of being dismissed or misunderstood. Relief after being told that you're overreacting, too sensitive, anxious, difficult or simply not coping very well. Relief after being given explanations that never quite fitted.

For some women, there has been a narrative running through their lives that there is something wrong with them.

After diagnosis and identification that narrative can begin to change.

Maybe there isn't something wrong with me. Maybe I've been trying incredibly hard to function in environments that haven't understood what I need.

That shift can be profound.

The noise is an external narrative

And yet, in the middle of all of this, there is still the external noise.

The debates. The opinions. The headlines. The social media conversations that often feel certain, absolute, and disconnected from the complexity of real human experience.

It is important to remember that these are external narratives.

They exist within wider societal, political and economic systems. They are influenced by questions about funding, access to support and whether our existing systems are willing and able to adapt to meet the needs of a huge group of people who have historically been overlooked.

And there can be a tension here.

Recognising neurodivergence means recognising that some of our systems need to change. It means acknowledging that people may need things to be done differently. And change can be uncomfortable.

But none of those external debates should be allowed to override your own lived experience.

You can turn down the noise

If you are exploring whether you might be autistic or have ADHD, you don't need to resolve the wider societal debate before you can understand yourself.

You can learn to turn down the noise.

You can hold the external conversation gently to one side, while staying close to your own experience.

You can remain curious.

You can ask: What has my experience actually been? What patterns have I noticed throughout my life? What helps me? What makes things harder? What am I having to do to get through each day that other people might not see?

And you can allow your understanding of yourself to evolve.

There are huge communities of autistic and ADHD people developing greater self-awareness, self-compassion and acceptance. For many, this understanding is helping them create lives that feel more sustainable and more easeful.

Let the diagnosis be a doorway

So, if you are a woman wondering whether you might be autistic or have ADHD, I would encourage you not to make the diagnosis the whole point.

Let it be a doorway.

A doorway into understanding yourself more deeply.

A way of making sense of your experiences.

A way of recognising your needs without shame.

A way of becoming more compassionate towards the person you have always been.

And, ultimately, a way of asking a fundamental question:

"What do I now understand about myself, and how can that help me live with more ease?"

This is why we are creating an online community of autistic and AuDHD women following assessment with us, so we can work through it all together.

If you are beginning to explore whether you might be autistic or have ADHD, there are services such as ours here to support you through that process of exploration, assessment, diagnosis and, perhaps most importantly, self-understanding.

Here's a free resource to help you decide whether you might be autistic or AuDHD

And you can book a screening call directly with us here