Many of the women who come to us for an autism assessment are seeking reassurance. They’ve been told they’re “being awkward”—and they want to know whether they are actually autistic.

It’s a painful history to carry.

Somewhere along the way, they’ve been told that their needs, preferences, or behaviours aren’t valid. They’ve been told they’re awkward for needing things a certain way, for struggling in situations that others take for granted, or for speaking up when something doesn’t work for them.

This message chips away at a person over time. And for many autistic women, it has shaped the way they see themselves.

This is something that resonates with me personally too.

Why Are Autistic Women Told They’re “Just Being Awkward”?

Part of the problem lies in the long history of misunderstanding autism in women. For decades, autism research and diagnostic criteria were based on boys and men. Girls and women, whose autistic traits often present differently, were left out of the picture. As a result:

• Their needs were overlooked or dismissed.
• Their differences were labelled as quirks, sensitivities, or awkwardness.
• They learned to question themselves, rather than trust their lived experiences.

So when an autistic woman plucks up the courage to express what she needs—or when she behaves in a way that feels right and safe for her—she is often met with:

• “Stop being so awkward.”
• “You’re making things difficult for everyone.”
• “You’re too sensitive.”

It might sound less extreme than outright verbal abuse, but the impact can be just as damaging.

The Damage of Being Dismissed

When someone is told repeatedly that their needs are “awkward,” it does more than sting in the moment. It undermines their entire sense of self.

• They start to question whether their needs are real.
• They doubt their own perception of the world.
• They wonder if they’re making it all up.

Over time, this constant invalidation can lead to significant emotional harm. It’s no surprise, then, that so many autistic women come to us with co-occurring mental health diagnoses like anxiety, depression, or C-PTSD.

The truth is, those struggles often aren’t “separate” conditions at all—they are the natural consequences of living in a world where your identity has been chipped away piece by piece.

Why Curiosity and Acceptance Matter

Regardless of neurotype, I wish humans could learn one simple skill: curiosity. Instead of dismissing someone’s needs as awkward or unreasonable, what if we asked:

• Why does this person need this?
• What’s the experience like for them?
• How can I support them, even if I don’t fully understand?

Curiosity opens the door to acceptance. It allows space for difference. And for autistic women, who have spent much of their lives feeling misunderstood or rejected, that space can be life-changing.

A Word on Empathy for the “Accusers”

It’s easy to feel anger towards those who label autistic women as awkward. But I also hold some empathy for them.

Often, they’re partners, colleagues, friends, or family members who simply don’t understand autism. They may not recognise that what they’re seeing are autistic needs, not awkward behaviour.

That doesn’t excuse the harm, but it does highlight the need for better education and support—not just for autistic women, but for the people around them.

Why This Comes Up in Autism Assessments

This theme comes up again and again in our work. Women arrive for autism assessments full of self-doubt. They worry that they’re wasting our time. They fear that they’re not “autistic enough” and that maybe everyone else was right—they were just being awkward all along.

But often the truth is the exact opposite.

Autistic women are not awkward. They are not difficult. They are not broken. They are people whose needs have been repeatedly invalidated, whose identities have been misunderstood, and whose voices deserve to be heard.

A New Story

For many women, receiving an autism diagnosis is the beginning of writing a new story about themselves. A story that says:

• I’m not awkward—I’m autistic.
•  My needs are real and valid.
• There is nothing wrong with me for being different.

This shift—from shame to self-acceptance—can be profoundly healing. It allows women to start building lives shaped around their true selves, rather than endlessly trying to fit into a mould that was never meant for them.

Final Thoughts

Being told you’re “just being awkward” may not sound serious to outsiders. But for autistic girl or woman, those words can be deeply damaging. They chip away at confidence, identity, and mental health.

This shift—from shame to self-acceptance—can be profoundly healing. It allows women to start building lives shaped around their true selves, rather than endlessly trying to fit into a mould that was never meant for them.

If you’ve ever been told this, please hear me now: you are not awkward. You are not making it up. Your needs are real, and they matter.

And if you’re someone who has ever dismissed another’s needs in this way, I invite you to pause and be curious next time. That simple shift could make all the difference. At Autistic Girls, we’re committed to supporting women through this journey—unlearning those unhelpful stories, reclaiming their identity, and embracing who they really are.

If you'd like to explore an autism or AuDHD (autism and ADHD assessment) with us, book a screening call here.